What exactly do you mean by shit?
Often not asked in response to saying you feel like shit, and understandably so, we often go into 'aww-ing' and looking for 'ways to fix'.
However do we even know exactly what we mean when we say it? Do we mean physically, mentally, or emotionally? (eg. headache, brain fog, or heartache? constipated, overwhelmed, or let down?)
When we think of describing our physcial ailments they are usually quite easy to pinpoint once we slow our brains down enough to bring our thinking back into our body. On the other hand, emotional feeling shitness isn't always as easy to get specific about to enable us to identify or verbalise.
And awareness = choice. (Are you bored of me saying this yet?)
If we don't know how we are feeling how can we help change it?
This is a visual that you may have seen, in various forms and is available from different sources. I actually can't remember where I got this one from so unfortunately cannot reference the source. I like it over some of the others because it has the addition of the central first feeling of 'bad' whereas others I have seen don't. If you want to see another version (without the 'Bad') you can find one in Dr Julie Smith's book 'Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?'.
So you start in the middle and then work your way outwards to get more specific with the feeling.
This way, it helps to identify the root cause, and from there, a way forward, or if you like, a way out of it. I say 'if you like' as it really is a process, so 'a way through' is a more accurate description.
Also something I found really helpful is to actually acknowledge that if you are feeling proper shit - then it is usually unrealistic to expect to move to joy in a single bound. It is possible*, however it is usually easier to just focus on moving up the range a little bit and then a little bit more until you reach your desired 'happy' emotion.
To give you some understanding of what I mean by range*2:
- Joy/knowledge/empowerment/freedom/love/appreciation
- Passion
- Enthusiasm/eagerness/happiness
- Positive expectation/belief
- Optimism
- Hopefulness
- Contentment
- Boredom
- Pessimism
- Frustration/irritation/impatience
- 'Overwhelment'
- Disappointment
- Doubt
- Worry
- Blame
- Discouragement
- Anger
- Revenge
- Hatred/rage
- Jealousy
- Insecurity/guilt/unworthiness
- Fear/grief/depression/despair/powerlessness
And as we know, we feel our thinking. So once you can name it, you can then focus on better feeling thinking. For example:
I want to smash her stupid face in (revenge)
I am so fucking angry with her right now (anger)
Why does she always let me down like this? (blame, disappointment, frustration)
Another:
I lost my job- I can't believe it (grief, powerlessness)
It's all my fault (guilt)
It's not fair, I was better than Joe (jealousy)
I will show them, the idiots, they will be begging for me back (revenge, anger)
What if it takes a while... What do I need to do first? (worry)
Although I have not taken either of those examples all the way up, I hope you can get what I mean and I think both are realistic thinking processes to potentially occur in one sitting - rather than over days which is sometimes the case. (And just to re-iterate, if it takes days then that is normal 'human' too, be kind and patient with yourself, and just know it is a process of change.)
The first one got to some great learning to be taken from the experience (adjust expectations with 'her' and this kind of thing in the future), and the second example got to a proactive 'what do I need to do now'.
*If you can get yourself into a space where you can change the environment (and thereby your thinking) so completely that it is sometimes one of those single bound events. These are usually 'activities' such as sleep or exercise. There may be others that work for you. Treasure them and remember them.
*2 Borrowed from the book 'Ask and It Is Given' by Esther Hicks.
